Just moments ago I feel in love with my baby. A baby I have not yet met....a baby I really did not want to have....I just fell straight in to never-ending-full-on-no-limits-carry-you-to-the-end-of-the earth-Love.

I now must wait the long 17 more weeks until I can hold you on the outside and kiss your head and be your mommy forever.

Oh how we change......

I was just remembering before my hubby and I got married 9 years ago we both agreed on 2 things~#1 moss is better than grass(because there is less mowing)
~#2 you should never under any circumstance mix slurpee flavors.

My husband now sprays the lawn with weed killer and moss out and mixes the kids slurpees to be rainbow.......I hope we find some new things to agree on.

Motherhood

Part of motherhood means there may always be toothpaste on the bathroom door........so get use to it.

My Death Flowers

I had to throw away my death flowers tonight....I call them death flowers.....they are not as pretty and I try not to look at them very much.......I stood there holding them having a smoke and not wanting to throw them in to my ditch,it was another letting go..........felt like all the people that sent them got to forget (now that the flowers were gone) but not me.........1 white lily still stands and I am going away for 4 days knowing when I return I will have to let it go to.........Iko Iko on day.

Moment With My kids

After the loss of my brother I was very sad(to say the lest) anyway I was laying in bed when my daughter Jasmine came in and sat beside me"I am going to cheer you up mom" she said. I did not move or say a word. A few moments passed and she said" Mom your a Stinking-giant-melon-head" being I was not in a playful mood I thought to myself "she sucks at cheering people up" Then I said to her"Jasmine my head is not giant, I am just bigger then you and, my head is the right size for my body" Jasmine then said after a pause......."well its still stinking" I laughed and cried at the same time.She made me happy as she always dose.

Ash discovered if you push 0000000000 on the phone a man or woman will talk to you.

My daughter Daphne has this crazy interested in china and not just the place but, the Boys that come from there! (please note she is 7 and has felt this way since she was 5) There are two boys in her class that are from china and she plays with them at school everyday.She told me"Anson and Simon fight over who gets to sit beside me, but they never realize I have two sides"

leaning from loss

This past Sept 12th,I was putting away my dishes from my dishwasher as I do many time perday, when my Dad phoned me.I asked"hows it going Dad" and his response was not what I had planned to hear that day.......He told me "Jeremy died today"
Jeremy was my brother.......
I left the kitchen and sat down. Time slowed, life stopped,the air was warm and I was numb. Less than an hour passed and the hospital called to ask my father if he could describe my brother because,the man they had there had no photo ID. The hospital asked if Jeremy had any tattoos??? Being that it had been 2 years since we had seen him and Jeremy had never brought it up my father was shocked and said "no my son had no tattoos" for a short moment it was as if a second chance was given.......One more chance to say all that need to be said........................(we still weep over the lose of the soul of that "other man" He was someone else Son and brother) but for that moment we had him back.........But No shortly it was confirmed it was...... Jeremy. The story is much longer and the next week passed so slowly and the tears were long and painful, but I took away from this a few things~ Life is hard glad I dont travel alone~ Family is the best thing Iv got~ Loss sucks~Cooking keeps you busy but, the food tasted bad~My husband is a VERY good man~ My kids will do anything to make me laugh~Death flowers are not as pretty~Say what you need to before its to late~Take lots of photos~Judge less~ Dreams can be peaceful or frightful~ Drugs are bad~God is big~chocolate dose NOT help~My mother is wiser than I giver her credit~Friends feel our pain~Daddy's can need there kids to carry them~Forgiveness is hard~Ashes of one man are quite heavy~This life is only one step~Peace washes over like a wave

She picked me!!!!

I always love my family more than I think anyone can love anyone,but I some time realise they love me back as huge as I love them. ~~~~I brought my 7 year old daughter to school late a few weeks ago, it happened to be her"helper day"so she asked if I could stay and watch her do her morning carpet thing they do in grade 1. I sat with her class on the rug and was proud to see her read the board and point to the days of the week. After her part was done, her Teacher said she got to take the attendence to the office and she could pick a friend to go with her. All the kids put up thier hands and called out "pick me" and "Daphne, I want to come" she turned to me and smiled and said"I pick Mommy" I cheered for myself and held hands with her all the way there.
Out of all her classmates and friends,she still wanted me more than anyone. She loves me more than anyone else on earth. I love being her Mommy more than if I could be anyone else on earth. These moments make my life.